Welcome back to TV Highlights, where I comb the primetime television listings and point out what sounds interesting to me, and what might be interesting for you also. It's not a complicated gig, so let's get to it.
Monday, March 31
- CBS has new episodes of their programs all night long. Including CSI: Miami at 10. And a new Britney-less episode of How I Met Your Mother, where Barney uses a basketball bracket-like system to figure out 1 out of 64 women who are trying to sabotage him. That is... actually kind of funny. (8:30 p.m.)
- The tango and jive are the dances of the week on Dancing with the Stars, 8 p.m. on ABC. It is followed by a new installment of The Bachelor: Give me a Green Card at 9:35.
- A murder in Chinatown reminds John of one of his dead children on New Amsterdam, causing him to reflect on his immortality, like every episode. (FOX, 9 p.m.)
- Part two of Medium's exciting episode concludes at 10 p.m. on NBC. How'd they get Anjelica Huston? That is some cool casting there.
- People do superstitious things in a game of chance that is so not-challenging it makes Tic-Tac-Toe look like a military strategy. (Deal or No Deal, 9 pm., NBC)
Tuesday, April 1
- Dolly Parton's songbook is the theme for American Idol. Horrific? Yes. But it's now down to just one hour. Yes! Only one hour of Idol per week. And it's on at 8, too, on FOX.
- After Idol is the premiere of Hell's Kitchen. But if you've watched FOX for more than 30 seconds in the past month, you would have already seen an ad for it.
- CSI: Miami is on tonight, too? What kind of crime scene investigation heaven is this? (10 p.m., CBS)
- Kylie Minogue performs on the Dancing with the Stars results show at 9 p.m. on ABC.
- Barbara Walters wants to know if you can Live to be 150 at 10 p.m. on ABC. She will interview old people or people who have known really old people, then talk about how you too can be really old. No, seriously. It's a real special. Not that I have anything against growing old, but, I'm also left-handed and we seemingly die sooner than everyone else, so I don't have much to aspire to, I guess.
Wednesday, April 2
- Criminal Minds is all new at 9 p.m. on CBS. I should watch, because TV Guide says that it has Nicholas Brendon in it, and he is not that bad of an actor. I say this having watched both Buffy AND Kitchen Confidential. I'm not sure if he's actually in it, the unreliable IMDb doesn't credit him for this episode, but, we'll see!
- CSI: NY is all new on CBS? ANOTHER new episode of a CSI franchise? Oh my, 10 p.m. on CBS is just crazy this week!
- Here's a fun activity: Watch Men in Trees at 10 p.m. on ABC. Then congratulate yourself! You were probably the only one. And it's a shame, because the show is really good. Yes, I'll watch it on occasion. It had Ever Carradine in it for a couple episodes once. How could I not watch?
- Dolly Parton sings "Jesus and Gravity" and the Clarks Brothers perform on American Idol: David Archuleta doesn't get kicked off, 9 p.m. FOX. It's lead-in is the most. shocking. episode. of Moment of Truth. EVER.
- The third season of Jean-Michel Cousteau: Ocean Adventures kicks off at 8 p.m. on PBS.
- Hey! It's another Deal or No Deal on NBC at 8! I can't wait to see people not the million this time!
Thursday, April 10
CBS has a new Survivor: Fans vs. Fan's Fans or whatever at 8 p.m.
CBS then has a two-hour CSI event, starting at 9 p.m. TWO HOURS of CSI? After Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday's installments? OH MY WORD THIS IS HOW 'MILLIONAIRE' DIED JUST ASK REGIS.
ABC has two new episodes of the cute Miss Guided at 8 p.m. Well, one new episode at 8 p.m., the next at 8:30. It's not like they can play two new episodes at once. Or, can't play both episodes at once well. Or can they?
- Eli Stone has a brain thing that causes musical numbers to happen spontaneously at a law firm, AGAIN! (10 p.m., ABC)
- Smallville is a repeat? But how will I know if Clark Kent ever becomes Superman?
Friday, April 4
- CBS has an all-new Ghost Whisperer, Price is Right Million Dollar Spectacular and NUMB3RS, starting at 8 p.m. I guess we needed a night off from CSI's.
- Duel returns to ABC at 9 p.m. with a "revamped formula," by which I hope they mean the show is less awkward and easier to understand what on earth is going on.
- FOX is airing a repeat of Bones from the first season at 8. I guess... why not? It's followed by a new Cantebury's Law at 9, in which Elizabeth is indicted for a crime and then has to tackle accused killers. It happens to all of us!
- An all new Amnesia at 8 on NBC, followed by a two-hour Dateline that does NOT need the Grand Rapids media to hype up! Terrific.
Saturday, April 5
- The Final 4 play in the NCAA Basketball Tournament at 6 p.m. on CBS.
- ABC plays Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone at 8 p.m.
Sunday, April 6
- CBS has an all-new Cold Case at 9, followed by a "new" Dexter at 10.
- Oprah's Big Give is all new at 9 on ABC. Natalie Cole and Jada Pinkett Smith guest star.
- Sense and Sensibility concludes at 9 on PBS.
- NBC is using repeats of their USA shows Monk and Psych to fill up Sunday night. And I'm not complaining. The Monk episode guest stars Andy Richter and the Psych episode Lou Diamond Phillips. (Who was just in Grand Rapids for Camelot.)
And those are your highlights for the upcoming week!